My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
