Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
