haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
