...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
