I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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