we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
