last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
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