I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
