i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
