That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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