I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
