just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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