my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
how does that bad decision feel?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
