I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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