im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
