im drinking this country out of the recession.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
