ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
