i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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