so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
