There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So vagazzling was a success
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
