how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
how drunk are you?
Several
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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