I am in a vortex of obligation.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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