I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
