I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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