I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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