yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
that's an acceptable place to lick
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
