I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The Olympian is in my bed
I yelled at your uterus for you.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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