we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
operation have a gay friend backfired
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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