Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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