You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize