Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
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