thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize