remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize