The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
