sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
