Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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