I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
