she looked like the bat from fern gully.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You have to summon your inner elephant
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
