yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
