Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
