Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
