Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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