OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
