Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
