Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
