But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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