I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
soo... how was my night?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
