I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
