It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Its about making memories worth repressing
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
