break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
So squirting runs in the family.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
