Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
