what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
