I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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