There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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