grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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