"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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