I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
