i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
