I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
