you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
