Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
