using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
