I smell stomach acid.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
