I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
