Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
