it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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